The (Un)Holiday Group

Guidelines & Agreement

If you sign up to The (Un)Holiday group you are agreeing to the following:

A: Group Engagement Guidelines are the guidelines for engagement for within the group, that you, I and the other group members agree to upon entering the space. B: Group Client Agreement) is the agreement between you and I upon you engaging with Trauma & Co. services. There may be some overlap.

You will be asked if you consent to these guidelines upon joining the FB Group.

These have been written by our Founder, Sarah Mariann Martland.

A: Group engagement Guidelines (Guidelines for full group engagement)

  • Everything said and shared in the group stays in the group (unless you choose to share your own words/art/images/videos - you are totally welcome to do that and to reference the group). Please see
    B: Group Client Agreement Section 3 for more information on confidentiality and exceptions.

  • No advice giving (unless specifically and clearly asked for).

  • We are not all having the same experience, and as such we do not compare experiences, or assume our experience is the only experience. I want to particularly note this in this group as we will all have VERY different experiences of the holiday season, and as such please do not compare yours or anyone else’s experience as worse or better.

  • We do not ask for trigger warnings in these spaces, because I do not believe we can know or judge what may or may not be triggering for another person. You are welcome to use Content Warnings if that feels good to you when you post, and this is a personal choice that I leave to your discretion.

  • We each take personal responsibility for our own needs and care when it comes to how much we read/view and engage in other people's posts. Your safety and wellbeing are important and you are welcome to step away and engage with your resources if you need to at any time.

  • This is not a crisis support group. If you are in a crisis or emergency situation, please engage with your local crisis or emergency services, or with those who can support you in this way.

  • If you want to contact me for non-crisis support, while I will be present in the group at some point of each day, given it is the holiday period and that we are possibly in different timezones, please allow 72 hours for me to respond.

  • If you want to sign up for a one off Landing Space -Companionship Session during this time, as a one-to-one Landing Space for what is coming up for you, you are welcome to contact me about this (usually I ask for a 3 session commitment initially, but for the time you are in one of my groups you can sign up for a one-off session if needed and if I have availability).

  • I am a huge advocate of a clear ask. If there is something you need in response to a post (i.e. just witnessing, reflection, types of support etc) or if there is something you DO NOT want in response to a post, please feel free and welcome to clearly ask at the start of your post. And if you want advice, please ask for it as we default to the no advice giving guideline above if not stated.

  • Please respect each other's gender pronouns. If you do not know gender pronouns, either don't use them, or default to they/them.

  • We do not question or assume another person's identity or experience.

  • We agree to entering this space from a place of believing each other first.

  • No shaming each other for any of our shares or practices during this time.

    Given that this group is being run over the holiday period, it might be more likely that people might share about religious practices than in other groups run here. Please allow each of us to have our own experiences with this. For example, some people might have been harmed by religion in some way, and this might be part of their experience over the holidays that they want to share, and other people might have religious practices during this time that are triggering for others. Both experiences are valid. Please allow each other to have their own experience and if you feel triggered by someone talking about religion or their holiday practice, please know your own boundaries around reading these posts or engaging and allow them their experience while taking care of yourself.

    Similarly, there also might be complex beliefs around some of the cultural implications of some of the holidays. In coming into this group we acknowledge that many holiday traditions have a history of cultural harm or oppression in some way AND we do not shame anyone for their holiday traditions or their beliefs around this.

  • If feedback is asked for in posts, we are aware that other people may have different views and opinions to us and I encourage each of us to take what we need and leave the rest.

  • Discrimination of marginalized groups is not considered an 'opinion' and where this is pointed out, please be mindful of your responses, including asking others to do emotional labour on your behalf.

  • While I cannot police people's internal responses to such incidents, I encourage us all to listen to the different experiences of others, where they may experience harm or oppression, and, if we have caused any harm through our language or behaviour, I encourage listening, learning and a clear apology.

  • There are no experts here, including me (apart from in our own self and our own lived experience). Whatever background we each come from, we each do not assume we know what another person needs better than they know themself, or that we know another person's life, body or experience better than they do.

  • While I acknowledge that there is always an inherent power imbalance between the person running a group (me) and the participants, I am committed to trying to making any power dynamics as equal as possible. With this in mind, if there are ways I can make your time in the group more comfortable, you are welcome to ask me about it and I will do whatever I can within my capacity.

  • You cannot fail in groups I run. I repeat: YOU CANNOT FAIL THIS.

  • You are welcome to take up as much space as you want and need. And you are welcome to take a step back as often and for as long as you need during our time together.

  • I encourage each of us to go at whatever pace feels best to us in terms of engagement and I always encourage you to listen to your own self, your own needs and you own knowing of you.

  • I encourage you to communicate within the group in whatever way you are able/prefer (e.g. written, audio, video). If you have a preference for how a person responds to you, you are welcome to ask for what you need (keeping in mind others might not be able to respond in this way or even read/view the post if they have different information processing needs themselves).

  • We each agree to show up with compassion and respect for each other and our individual experiences and processes.

  • Again, particularly given how difficult the holidays can be for many of us, I reiterate my encouragement of your taking exquisitely good care of yourself and each other, while trying to honour the consent and boundaries of each other throughout our time together.

B. Group Client Agreement (Agreement between you and me upon signing up to one of my groups)

1. Results

1.1 This group is not designed to be therapy or coaching, and there are no specific 'results' promised or to be expected. You are entering this space to be met in your reality and are offered online companionship and community in this reality.

1.2 Any resources given (if you ask for resources) are received by you with full responsibility for taking care of your needs.

2. FEES

2.1 You agree to pay via PayPal at the rate shown on the sales page (or, where sliding scales are offered, at the rate you choose).

2.2 For payment installments, if you fail to pay me on the due date, I reserve the right to cease all services until payment has been made in full and to seek payment from you.

3. CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION

3.1 I agree not to (except in the proper course of my duties) use or disclose to any third party any confidential information. Confidentiality does not apply where it would mean that I might break the law or if I consider there is a risk you may harm yourself or others. In such exceptional circumstances, where there is concern for your wellbeing or that of others, it may be necessary to seek help outside of our relationship. In such an event where I am considering breaching confidentiality, you will normally be consulted first. In the case of a disclosure concerning acts such as terrorism, vulnerable adult or child protection issues or human trafficking, confidentiality may be breached and such disclosures may be passed onto the relevant authority.

3.2 You agree that I may disclose any issues or feelings which arise out of my leading the group and engagement within the group with my supervisor and therapist, but I agree only to disclose such issues on a general basis and without disclosing your name or specifics.

3.3 Similarly, if you or other group members are in therapy, you each agree that other group members can disclose any issues or feelings which arise out of the group within therapy, but agree only to disclose such issues on a general basis and without disclosing group member's names or specifics.

3.4 You may disclose to any third parties information about your experience in the group, anything you share in the group and anything about your personal engagement in the group as you so wish. Where I or other group members am made aware that you have disclosed our knowing each other, I or we may confirm that we know you but we would not divulge any details of the group or how we know each other.

3.5 As per my group guidelines above, every member of the group agrees to asking for consent before sharing any information about the other, including their membership in the group and we each agree to asking for consent from other group members about contact outside of the group and how we each engage in that.

3.6 As we may be connected online and may have mutual contacts in our personal or working lives, the boundaries of our relationship (such as contact outside of our group and communication about our working or personal relationship) can be agreed upon between as appropriate. As good practice, we ask for what we need and try to honour the boundaries and consent of the other at all times.

4. TERMINATION OF agreement

4.1 If I am made aware of any breaches in confidentiality or any abuse taking place between group members, I would do all I could within my capacity to resolve the issue first, and I reserve the right to remove you from the group without refund should you be the party enacting the breach in confidentiality or abuse and should we not be able to resolve the issue.

Please also be mindful of Trauma & Co.’s values when joining this group.